End of the Line
by PlzLukePlz
Summary: Falling in love is hard. Especially when your love is your sister's husband.
1. Chapter 1: I'm Into You

End of the Line

An ISFF

Chapter One: I'm Into You

Five years ago Tommy Quincy kissed me. Four years ago I fell in love for the third time just to have my heart ripped out. Three years ago my first love, Shay, married the girl he left me for. Two years ago I was bridesmaid to my best friend who married my third love. And one year ago, I had to watch my second love marry my sister. By far of all my experiences, this was the worst. I never had a chance to tell him I loved him. Even though I see him everyday, the chemistry isn't the same. That is how I knew we had died. The flame was extinguished, we were extinguished. I know I should give up on Tommy, but something tells me I'll always love him, even if he doesn't love me.

Three days after my twenty-first birthday, I sat all alone in my apartment watching Oprah. I had nothing else to do. All my friends were married. Except for Patsy. But I couldn't spend too much time with her or it would all be in jail or with her parole officer. So, Oprah was my new best friend.

"So, today on the show we have Shelby Karol who just can't seem to make her relationships last." Oprah announced, turning to the girl beside her. "Shelby, a lot of stars have your problem too. I'm going to let you talk through your hardships, and hopefully doing so will help you and some of our viewers. Hopefully the advice given today will help many silent strugglers out there today." I quickly shut off the television. Even Oprah was depressing me. I really didn't feel like thinking about my failed relationships mostly because I knew how to fix it. Swear off men for the rest of my life. Suddenly, my cordless rang. I picked it up and rolled my eyes at the caller id.

"What's up Sadie?"

"I have news! Big news! And I want you to be the first to hear it." She spurted excitedly at top speed.

"Shoot." I mumbled lazily, not knowing how the next two words would change my life.

"I'm pregnant! Five months, to be exact!" She shrieked.

I choked. "What?"

"I'm going to have a baby Jude!"

Suddenly, I realized the truth. My sister was about to have a baby with the man I loved. "Listen, that's great. I have to go, but we can talk later." I hung up and tossed the phone to the ground. I wanted to cry, but this was beyond tears. I've felt a lot of pain in my life, about many different people, but most of it was about Tommy. Now I was hurting because he was finally connected to my sister in a way that I couldn't do anything about. I had no chance with Tommy. I'd reached the end of the line.


	2. Chapter 2: Not So Sure If I'll Be Your's

Chapter Two: Not So Sure If I'll Be Yours

"It's about Tommy isn't it?" Kat questioned over the phone.

"Yeah, and it's about Sadie." I sat in my car, speeding down the highway on my way to work.

"Spill girl!" Kat yelled jovially.

"Sadie is pregnant."

"It's Tommy's?" Kat questioned.

"Yeah, I think it's her husband's baby!" I retorted sarcastically. I did not need blonde remarks this early in the morning; especially with the impact certain events were having on me. "This is the last straw. There is no way he'll ever love me."

"I'm so sorry Jude."

"Well, on a happier note, I was wondering if you and Jamie would like to double with me today." I asked, suddenly vehemently snapping out of the reverie that I had allowed myself to lapse into, predominately centered on Tommy.

"We'd love to! But who's the lucky guy?" Kat inquired suspiciously.

"You'll see. I'm at the office, gotta go. We'll be at your house at seven." I concluded as I strutted grandly into G Major. Instead of walking into my office, I stopped at another. Taking a deep breath, I walked right in.

"Jude!"

"Hey Mason." I grinned extremely flirty and stared very sweetly into my fellow artist's eyes.

"What can I do for you?" He motioned towards a chair where acquiesced, sitting down.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner with me tonight. You know, like a date."

"I'd love to. What time can I pick you up?" Mason smiled weakly.

"About six at my place. Oh, and we're doubling with two of my friends." I stood up, grinning.

"Ok, I'll see you then." His face was flushed, pink with obvious embarrassment.

I walked out and exhaled as the door behind me shut. But as I began to walk towards my office, I heard my name. Great, just what I hadn't wanted.

"Jude!"

I turned around to the familiar voice and tried with all the being I possessed to muster a half smile.

"Hey Tommy."

"Did Sadie tell you?"

"Yeah, congratulations."

He sensed the tense cold in my voice. "Thanks, I'm really nervous." He began slowly. "I mean, me, a father?"

"You'll be great. I mean, there's no turning back now right?" My stomach plummeted as I reminded myself of the situation further.

"No- I guess not." Tommy, as always, knew I wasn't myself. "What's up Jude? Something's wrong, I can tell."

I laughed manically. "Something wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! I love you Tommy! And you're having a baby with my sister!" I clapped a hand to my mouth, realizing what I had just said. Suddenly, I spun around and began to sprint in the other direction, toward my office. When I arrived, I slammed the door and locked it behind me, knowing that Tommy was sure to be on my tail. I turned up my c.d. player that just happened to be on the song Skin. 'Perfect.' I thought, rolling my eyes at the perfect addition to my perfect day. It was almost enough to drown out Tommy's pleas behind the door.

"Jude, we need to talk."

"I'm a grown woman Tommy, and I need to be alone. We can talk later."

Finally, after several unanswered comments, he left the doorway. Looking down at my watch, I learned that it was almost two. I hadn't worked at all, but I decided to call it a day. A very crappy day. I sneaked out through my window and ran deftly to my car.

Four hours later I put the finishing touches to my hairspray and felt truly proud of my appearance. Tommy would never love me back, so it was time for me to have my own fun for a change.


	3. Chapter 3: Your 21

Hey guys, just a note, Mason is not gay in this fan fic! I totally forgot to tell you before the last chapter! I hope you're still enjoying guys!

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Chapter Three: Your 21

"I had a great time tonight."

I watched as Mason leaned in to kiss me. I leaned in the rest of the way and kissed him passionately. I couldn't help pretending he was Tommy in the slightest though, which bothered me.

I really liked Mason. He was cute and reminded me of Tommy (dare I say his name again?) in the sense that he was so passionate about music. But he would never be Tommy, my pretending wouldn't help.

I pulled away and gave him a slight wave before walking into my apartment. As was the usual drill, I dropped my purse, turned on my answering machine, and then hung up my coat while I listened.

"Jude- it's Tommy. We need to talk about what you said today. Call me back."

I did nothing of the sort.

Over the next three months, I went through a lot. Life has a funny way of speeding up but throwing so many obstacles at you that when you reach the end, you don't realize where all the time has gone. Something of the sort happened in that quarter year. Mason and I continued to date, and I went through a creative block. Most importantly, I avoided Tommy at all costs, except when working. I had no idea what to say, and I think he took the hint from my actions. We grew distant as I pushed him further and further away from my comfort zone. But finally, I realized that I needed closure. Pushing him away wasn't helping the situation at all. So, I turned to the solution to all life's little problems- writing.

"I've reached the end of the line

Don't think I'll get back what I had

Never will I have you

Never can I love you"

My voice slowly and solemnly rang across my apartment. It had an edge, finality to it. And that was when I realized it. I understood my feelings for Tommy.

As if on cue, the phone rang. I picked it up after two rings and answered. "Hello?"

"Jude- Sadie's in labor…." His voice rang breathlessly.

"Say no more, what hospital?"

"Memorial." I hung up on Tommy and grabbed my car keys.

When I arrived at the hospital, no one I knew was in sight. After pacing for several hours, I heard the voice I knew so well, the one I had run to.

"How is she Tommy?" I answered.

"Sadie's great. We have a daughter." Tommy's face glowed, and I couldn't help but smile." Do you want to see my kid?"

"Sure." I followed him down a hallway and to a window overlooking a huge room filled with bassinettes. He pointed to a basket in the front row.

"That's her."

I set my eyes on my niece for the first time. She was beautiful, so angelic. Then I saw her wristband. It read: My name is Jude Quincy.

"Tommy- I…"

"Sadie and I wanted to name her something that would remind us of the people in our lives that we love."

My eyes moved to his, and I could see the glowing joy within them.

"Tommy, when I said I loved you, it was incorrect. I didn't love you- I had loved you. It's taken me until now to realize that I love you for real but," I cleared my throat, "Not in that way. I love you as my best friend, my sister's husband, my brother-in-law. And I couldn't be happier for you and Sadie." Not all of what I had just uttered to Tommy was a lie. I just couldn't tell him the truth. He couldn't handle it, and neither could I. I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant I would have to search for my own happiness.

"I love you too Jude." He embraced me as I tried to smile. He had finally said what I had been waiting for him to say for so long. Suddenly though, I accepted I would never be his 21. And I was o.k. with it.

About a month after the birth of Tommy and Sadie's daughter, Mason proposed. I agreed, knowing full well I had found happiness.

Three more months after this, I found myself walking down the aisle. Mason stood before me, and I smiled. Looking around, I knew I was surrounded by people who loved me, including Tommy. As I took the last few steps, I realized that the end of the line was actually the start of another.

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Ok, I realized as I was writing that chapter that it sounded like the end of the story, and it IS NOT. I meant it to give a sense of the end of a paticular saga in Jude's life. I'm going to skip a little bit before the next chapter, so I decided I would give you guys a heads up!

Tipi


	4. Chapter 4: Any Other Day

Chapter Four: Any Other Day

Time is precious to most people. It is fickle, sometimes leaving us hanging on threads of hope, but others allowing the impossible. But the thing that I love most about times is that it allows second chances. Not always, but in the right circumstances, if we didn't get it right the first time, we can always try, try again.

Three days after my thirty-first birthday, I rolled over in bed. Opening my eyes cautiously, I surveyed my surroundings. I was all alone, and my heart leapt at the sight. Finally, I didn't have to cook on a Saturday morning.

Groaning, I sat up, pushing myself onto the floor. Clothed in a crimson nightgown with black beadwork, I opened the door, stepping into the hallway. Running my hand down the banister, I looked over the railing on the long catwalk and down to the sight below.

My eyes laid first upon my husband Mason, sitting at the dining room table. Across from him sat my dear Carrie, a mere vibrant seven years old. She was tearing up little pieces of pancake and feeding them ever so carefully to my other blessing, Jess, who at eight months sat attentively in his highchair. It seemed a crime to disrupt the picture perfect scene, but I walked slowly down the steps and sat down at the table, pulling a plate towards me.

Mason looked up at me as I did so, smiling pleasantly. "Enjoy your rest?" He asked me.

I giggled, piling four pancakes onto my plate. "As I a matter of fact, I did. Thank you for making breakfast." I leaned over the table kissing him softly. Then, I turned to Carrie, who already had her eyes plastered to me. "What do you want to do today Carrie?"

She scooped up some of the syrup on her plate, slurping loudly. "Can I go play with Cousin Jude?"

I grinned, turning to Mason. "How about we all go over to see Tommy and Sadie? We could get a babysitter and the four of us could go out to dinner."

He nodded. I knew that the Quincy's had never been his best friends, but he always agreed to visit for my sake. I respected him greatly for those little things he did for me.

I turned back to Carrie. "Sure sweetie. I think that would be fine. Let me just call them and make sure they don't have any plans."

"Yay!" She yelped as I reached for the telephone.

Dialing the numbers, I pressed the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" Sadie answered.

"Hey Sades." I fingered my orange juice, debating whether to take a sip. "What are you guys up to?"

"Um- not much. Jude is watching reruns of Cheyenne on MTV, which Tommy lets her watch," Jude could picture Sadie rolling her eyes, "And I am folding clothes while Tommy talks to Darius on the phone. They're having an argument about something or…"

Jude heard Tommy swear loudly, and Sadie stomp her foot. "TOMMY, WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!" She screeched. "God, you think he would remember after ten years that he has a non-adult to look out for."

I laughed. Tommy wouldn't care. I could picture his reaction right now:

"Look, the kid's gonna hear it sometime or another, so who says we shouldn't give her a head start?"

"Jude? Are you still there?"

My head snapped, coming back to our conversation. "Uh yeah, sorry. Do you want to go out to dinner with Mason and me tonight? We could leave the little people at home." I laughed at my own Neanderthal wit.

"Sure, that sounds great. Come meet us here at about four. I gotta go. Bye." Sadie hung up the phone quickly and I stared at it, puzzled.

"What did she say?" Mason asked.

I stood up, swooping up Jess into my arms and pulling Carrie out of her chair. "We leave at four my prince." I sauntered quietly, walking hand in hand with Carrie up the stairs and with Jess hugged tight to my chest.

I had just stepped out of the shower and, clad in a towel laid my clothes out on the bed. Suddenly, I heard the bedroom door close behind me. Smiling expectantly, I didn't even turn around at the intrusion. I felt Mason come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my stomach and kissing my neck softly once. I giggled, turning around to face him. But instead of playful eyes, his look was serious, unmoving.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

"Are you happy Jude?"

I squinted. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, slowly looking away. "I mean, are you happy with the way your life turned out?"

My eyes grew wide and I pulled away. "Um… that's deep." I looked up at him cautiously. "I wouldn't have my life any other way."

'At least I think…' I thought guiltily.

"What brought you to ask this?"

He rolled his shoulders, walking around the room. "I don't know…. It's just I can't help but sometimes wonder how I ended up with you… What I did to deserve you… And what made you want me back…."

My heart leapt, and I ran to embrace him. "Don't think about that. There isn't any reason you should. I love you Mason, and I thank God everyday for letting me have you."

He grinned sheepishly, kissing my forehead. "Thank you Jude. I love you too."

I flashed him a toothy grin and then proceeded to get dressed.

About two hours later, we stood outside the Quincy home. It was large, extravagant, I guess, with a pool and a built in steam room in the backyard. I wondered sometimes how they could afford this house, with Sadie being a stay at home mother and Tommy being a producer like Mason and I. But, I suppose Boyz Attack left him more money than he let on.

I knocked, which was followed by shouts of "Get off the freakin' phone Tommy!", and a scrambling at the door. I laughed. My sister's family was one of the weirdest around. Sometimes I asked myself why two of the most different people in the world got together and started a family. And sometimes, I just settled on blaming it on Sadie's D cups.

A disheveled Sadie opened the door, running a hand through her flyaway blonde locks. "Come in." She said panting. "I was just trying to finish cleaning up. Tommy decided he was going to go all macho man while on the phone with Darius and threw an apple at the wall which of course, split and leaked juice all over our living room carpet." She stepped aside, and I walked in, giving her a hug.

"You looked like you needed it." I whispered in her ear as she giggled, the same laugh she had had while we had been in high school. Mason handed the baby to me, and got a hug from Sadie as well. Then, she moved on to Carrie. Bending down to her level, Sadie grinned.

"Jude is in the playroom if you want to go on up honey."

Carrie, of course, sprinted upstairs, without another word. We all laughed merrily at my daughter, before Tommy walked into the foyer from a random doorway, undoubtedly his office. His eyes landed on me, and I smiled slightly as I placed Jess in his bassinette.

Tom hadn't changed much over the last ten years. No signs of aging were apparent across his perfect face, no thinning hairs above his brow. In fact, if you showed anyone a picture of him then and him now, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Sometimes in the studio, I would tease him about how well his plastic surgery was going. 'Hey, we couldn't all be physically oblivious to time and age,' I thought, as I looked down at my voluminous hips. Needless to say, I didn't look twenty anymore. Maybe 28 though. Just maybe.

"Hey." He muttered as I stretched my arms out to him. Hugging Tommy still felt weird. I still got a little jolt in my lower stomach, but nothing more. Tommy was my brother in law, what could I say? I pulled away, and Tommy's hand reached for Mason's which he firmly shook. I stifled a giggle, as did Sadie.

"Um… The babysitter is upstairs already, so we can go ahead and leave. I'll take Jess." Sadie said, breaking the awkward silence, and walking up the stairs with Jess in hand.

I immediately looked up at Tommy. "So, what was Darius putting up a fight about?"

Tommy ran a hand over his face. "You don't want to know. Trust me on this one."

My eyes bulged, and I mouthed a silent ok. Sadie fluttered back down the steps suddenly, grabbing her purse off the table. Little did we know what life had in store for us. Funny how life does that, giving you so little warning towards the worst day of your life.


	5. Chapter 5: Silence

I just wanted to say as a hint that I am one of the world's biggest Jommy fans!

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Chapter Five: Silence

Sadie offered to drive, and Mason sat up front with her. So, that left Tommy and me in the back. Whenever Mason and Tommy both were around, I felt strained. Talking to either of them was hard, for I always felt that I was excluding the other. Funny, how different the two men I was in love with were. But I guess that's just how love works. You can't control it. Just like you can't control life.

The car was silent. Sadie, being the problem solver she was, turned on the radio. Pick up the Pieces blasted into our ears. Tommy and I started singing along. I swear, sometimes, we acted like the kids that fought in our hearts, threatening to escape. But Tommy was the only person I could do that with. To everyone else, I was Jude Harrison, mother of two.

We threw our arms over the other's shoulder. Swaying back in forth to the music, we continued to sing. I was in a fit of giggles by now, and a smile was plastered across Tommy's face. 'It's just like old times.' I thought, reminiscing. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mason shift in his seat, rolling his eyes. That wiped the smile right off my face.

"Do you have a problem Mason?" I snapped.

Sensing tension, Sadie turned down the radio. Tommy and I both dropped our arms.

He looked back at me, his expression, hard, cold even. "My God, Jude, act your age."

Slowly my jaw dropped. On a sudden impulse of anger, I straightened my face. "Lighten up Mason. You know, you don't always have to act like everything I do is wrong! Look-"

Sadie suddenly slammed on brakes. "Oh fritter, we're here. Jude, why don't you and Tommy get out, Mason and I will park."

Rolling my eyes, I opened the door, got out, and slammed it behind me. Marching over to the curb, I was received by a worried looking Tommy.

"Jude-"

"I don't feel like talking about it Tommy." Truthfully, I didn't want to have to explain myself. Nothing I had said in the car was true. I knew Mason had been jealous of Tommy and me, probably threatened by him touching me. So, I had gone off at him for no reason. I bit my lip, knowing I had been wrong. But he still had no right-

And that was when I heard the crash. Spinning around, I froze. My legs became weak, and I couldn't stand. The world was going black, my head was spinning. The last thing I remembered was Tommy catching me before my head hit the concrete.


	6. Chapter 6: Goodbye

Chapter Six: Good-bye

I rolled over, slowly coming to consciousness. My head hurt immensely, and I couldn't focus on the room around me. I made out Tommy's figure, however, standing next to another in a white lab coat. I could hear word for word what the man was saying.

"I'm very sorry Mr. Quincy. I know this must be very hard on you, but there wasn't anything else we could do. All I can do now is to apologize very deeply for you and Mrs. Fox's loss."

I watched with baited breath as Tommy nodded, sniffling slightly. I rolled back over slowly, towards the wall. I was in a severe state of shock as all of the days events flooded back to me. I had yelled at Mason, and then…. And then….. Then came the crash, the horrible crash that had claimed my husband and sister. It seemed a dream now, a different life. Numbness swept over me, and I couldn't feel. But I did feel Tommy's hand on my shoulder, and I sat up speedily.

I focused on his face. It was red, tear stained. His pained expression made me want to scream. I gasped suddenly, and tears began to fall down my face, streaming down my cheeks and onto Tommy's chest. He pulled me up and into his arms, holding me close to him.

"Jude… They said…" At this point, he began to sob too, and we rocked each other back and forth. "They said it was… a drunk driver… collided head on… nothing they could do…" I looked up at his face, suddenly, just needing to see it. "They're gone." He mumbled.

I swallowed, and my head began spin. I looked around the hospital lobby, at all the mixed expressions. I couldn't help but feel like this wasn't fair. These people hadn't lost anyone. I had lost two in one day, and they were smiling. It seemed barbaric, wrong even.

"NO!" I shrieked suddenly, throwing my head back into Tommy's chest.

We swayed back and forth, and I lost track of time. I didn't know how long it had been, how much time had passed since I had seen their faces. I would never see them again, and all I could do now was hope to hold on to their memories. Memories were all I had now.


	7. Chapter 7: Fragments of Hope

Chapter Seven: Fragments of Hope

The wind slowly cooled the chapped skin of my tear stained face. Tommy had suggested that we go home and see the kids, who were currently staying with my mother, to clam them down. I didn't feel this was the best idea ever, though, for I had not yet had the time to calm myself down. So many things were left unanswered, the searing emptiness and nostalgia engulfed me whenever I tried to think about the accident. I didn't yet know where I stood.

Both Tommy and I now were widowed, alone. The thought disconcerting as it was, made me wish that I could start new, afresh. I would begin without any responsibilities or liabilities or pain or feeling… I would be weightless, unnoticed by the world. There would be no such thing as loss, and I could live freely. But this was my life. My husband was gone, as well as my sister, and the world had a shortage of love in it without them. I could almost feel it in the night air, calling for a home. They were gone forever, and there was nothing I could do about it.

Empowering as my revelations were, I couldn't help but wish to relive that night. I couldn't help but wish that it had been me in the car. When you love someone more than your world, you would do anything, including sacrifice life, for them. Death was something that made you realize that.

Tommy reached for my hand as we both settled into the taxi. The chilly morning was foreboding, and his warmth made it so much more bearable. He was like my pain killer, my numb escape. I rested my head slightly on his shoulder, staring into space.

By this time, Tommy and I were beyond tears, we had exhausted all salt from our bodies. I felt frail from all the weeping, content even. It was all I could do to grasp my situation.

"You ready?" Tommy called out do me distantly. My eyes fluttered open. We sat outside his and… now just his house.

"As ready as I'll ever been." I feebly mumbled, allowing him to pull me out of the car.

I watched as he pulled out his wallet to pay the driver, but the man shook him off. "Don't worry about it." He said weakly. "God bless you, I am very sorry for your loss."

Without another word, he backed out of the driveway. Tommy nodded wordlessly to him, as he grasped my hand again. We walked up the lane and onto his porch.

My heart began to beat very fast. I didn't know what to say. How exactly do you tell a child that her father passed away?

Tommy turned the key, pulling the door open. Suddenly, a small child was at my feet, hugging my ankles.

"Mommy, you're home!" Carrie yelped, grinning up at me. I took a deep breath, trying not to cry again.

"Yes sweety, I'm home." I whispered, scooping her into my arms.

I followed Tommy into the foyer, bouncing Carrie lightly, dreading my near future.

"Mommy, I played dolls and baked cookies and jumped on the trampoline!" She giggled vibrantly. I smiled weakly, setting her down.

"That's good honey."

Carrie stared at me, tilting her head to the side. Her gaze moved from me to Tommy, who was paying the baby-sitter. "Where are Daddy and Aunt Sadie?"

My lip began to tremble, and Tommy turned around to look at me after shutting the front door behind the baby-sitter. I nodded to him slightly, and he walked slowly upstairs.

I grabbed Carrie's hand and together we walked over to the couch, sitting down. I held her tightly on my knee, taking a deep breath. I needed to get it over with. She needed to know the truth.

"Carrie, there was an accident last night." I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. Retelling it was almost as bad as living it, and the combined influence of a vulnerable child was enough to make anyone cringe.

"What do you mean Mommy? Why are you crying?" Her soft hand brushed across my cheek, wiping away the tear.

"Daddy and Aunt Sadie were in a car accident last night." I mumbled quietly, feeling my eyes tear.

Her face lit up, her eyes widened. "Are they ok? When can I see them?"

Whatever was remaining of my heart broke at that moment. The juvenile naivety of her face made me want to hide somewhere dark. "Um… they passed away Carrie…"

The silent tears rolled down my face, and I watched as she tried to comprehend what I had just dumped on her.

"No." She shook her head vehemently. I nodded mine to the contrary, sniffling.

"They're dead Carrie." I repeated, the words making my face even wetter.

She gasped, her eyes filling with tears. Her little head continued to shake, as she began to bawl even harder. She buried her face into my chest, and we cried together, just like Tommy and I had. It seemed an eternity before her tiny body ran out of energy, and she looked up at me once again.

"Why, mommy?"

I gaped at her. 'Yes, why?' I asked myself silently. Why had I been robbed of my family, why had my husband been taken from his children? Why would Jess never get to speak with his father? Only one answer pushed to the front of my mind, and I decided to stick with it.

"God decided that it was daddy's and Sadie's time to come meet him in heaven. I can't explain it but, he always knows best and you have to believe that. You may not understand it for the rest of your life, but there always is a reason."


	8. Chapter 8: Wanted

Hey again guys! Thank you so much for your posts, but I have a miniscule favor to ask Could some of you check out my other fan fic, Lovesong? I'm not getting a lot of feedback, but I assure you if you like this story, you'll love it!

Tipi

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Chapter Eight: Wanted

My eyes fluttered open very slowly. I was still on the couch with Carrie's arms wrapped lovingly around my stiff neck. I cradled her carefully, standing up. The room was lit in eerie moonlight, spewing graciously from the uncovered bay window overlooking the swimming pool.

Yawning, I laid my daughter back onto the cushions, wrapping her snuggly in a woolen coverlet. The look of content on her face brought the first grin to my mourning disposition in days. Hugging my chest, shivering slightly, I floated gracefully down the hallway, and up the staircase. I had only been upstairs in the Quincy household once or twice, but having the photographic memory I most certainly did, I could easily find my way around.

I stepped into the first doorway on the hall cautiously. The guest bedroom was cold, unwelcoming. Only the old crib of Jude's in the northwestern corner brought a sprig of warmth to my fragile being. As I rested my hand on Jess' fuzzy peach of a head, a spasm of fear jolted through my body.

How would I handle being a single parent? Especially with my son, how was I to handle being his mother and father, never having seen a major league sport in my life? He needed a father, a man to turn to.

I suppose that's where Tommy would come in. I'm sure he could serve as a parental figure, to be there when a man was needed. Both of us could help each other out in that area. We could be a family, an odd one at that. But I am sure that with him at my side, I could pass any obstacle, take on any goal.

That was of course, if Tommy never got remarried.

I couldn't imagine myself loving again. From the time I was a teenager, I believed that you were given one true love, even if it took you a while to find them. I had already found mine, and there would never be another Mason.

I looked down slowly at the gold wedding band on my finger. Unlike most women, this ring meant more to me than my diamond engagement. It was a symbol of my undying love for my husband that I was and would always be faithful to him. Even through death, I would be.

A rustling at the doorway caught my attention. I turned around, seeing a disheveled Tommy standing before me. I walked slowly to him, stopping two feet away. I eyed him nervously, before throwing my arms around his neck.

His warm embrace helped me cope for an instant, keeping the water from rolling soundlessly from my face. After a while, I whispered faintly to him. "I just want them back."

He nodded, pulling away just far enough so that he could see my face through the blanket of darkness that over took us. "For now, I just thank God that he left me you."


	9. Chapter 9: What I Wouldn't Give

Disclaimer: I do not own the song What I Wouldn't Give, by Holly Brook.

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Chapter Nine: What I Wouldn't Give

The day was humid, sunny, and taunted the fragile atmosphere. We stood in a line, Carrie to my right, Jess in my hands, Tommy to my left, and Jude to his left. I was determined not to cry, to set an example for the children. At least that is what I told myself.

Two enclosed coffins sat in the middle of the circle, glistening with the rays of sunlight that dazzled, bouncing every which way. I blinked slowly, fingering my knee length black sundress. Sadly, I reminded myself that this was the very dress I had worn when Mason proposed. It mocked me, and I could still feel his touch upon it, the warmth that his hand on my cheek would give off.

Never, not for one day since I had gotten married, had I not curled my mid- back length golden locks. But today, there was an absence of the cascading loose ringlets. My hair was straight, pushed over my shoulder.

The minister stood suddenly, and I felt a jolt in my stomach.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are gathered here today to pay our last respects to two wonderful people of society. They were brother and sister in law, bonded by a family of love.

Sadie Harrison Quincy was the beloved wife of Tommy Quincy, sister of Jude Fox, mother of one. She brightened the world with her smile, her determined disposition. Oldest in her family, she was always a leader. She will be missed by all who knew her."

The minister paused. I felt Tommy stiffen beside me, and I did the same, knowing what came next. I grasped Carrie's hand, preparing myself.

"Mason Cary Fox was the beloved husband of Jude Fox, father of two. He shared the passion of music with his wife, something they cherished greatly. He always was kind, a quiet man, and full of love. He cared for his family more than anything. He will be missed by all who knew him."

I swallowed, beginning to shake. I suddenly felt Tommy's grasp on my arm, my signal that it was okay to feel. A single tear rolled down my face. The crowd was silent, and I felt my mother come up behind me. Passing Jess to her, and taking two white roses from her hands, I pulled Carrie with me towards the caskets. Stopping first at Sadie's, I placed a rose softly at where I knew her feet where. "I love you forever Sadie. You were the most amazing sister a girl could have." Bending down, I kissed the wood lightly.

Next, as the crowd watched with baited breath, I moved towards my husband, my partner. My throat closed up, as I pondered what words could express what I felt.

"Our bond will never be broken, even in death; those immortal words I spoke to you almost ten years ago will stay intact. I love you Mason, and as long as I shall live, I will have a missing piece. Someday we will meet again, and all I can do is wait out my time before that happens."

Placing the rose over his heart, I placed the last kiss I would ever give him atop it. I stepped back, watching as Carrie stared at it, shivering slightly. I threw my arms around her, pulling her into them. We backed up. Now, it was Tommy's turn.

I watched as he glided, almost angelically, over to Sadie. He kneeled down, and bent his head in prayer. Jude stood behind him, looking on, stunned as Carrie had been.

I would never know the sacred words he laid his wife to rest with, but I did see the tear that rolled down his left cheek before he disconcertedly swiped it away. I felt a hand on my back suddenly, and found Kat standing behind me. I whimpered, and fell into her shoulder, sobbing silently. She held me, and I never saw Tommy move onto Mason. The rest of the ceremony was a blur, and I only came to full consciousness at the wake, which my mother had insisted we have. It was held in our old house, the one Sadie and I had grown up with, the place I loved most in the world. I moved around the room, shaking hands like a robot, being rained upon by sympathies and condolences. I wanted nothing more than to yell at all these people to go away, and let me deal on my own. They knew nothing of my pain, nothing of my distorted existence.

Jess began to cry noisily in the early hours of the evening, so I gave him to my mother again, who whisked him away, glad to have something to keep her mind away from reality. Carrie and Jude were huddled in a corner together, away from the crowd which I knew would have made their pain far worse, as it had mine. Spiederman walked over to me after a while, embracing me warmly. I never had been the nicest person to him, but he was always a shoulder I could cry on. I had the feeling he had always cared for me more than he let on, but never acted on it, for which I was thankful.

"Are you doing alright?" He asked, fully knowing the answer.

"In time." I nodded, staring up into his eyes. "In time."

"You always were a trooper Jude." He put his hand under my chin, supporting it lightly.

"I don't have much choice." I mumbled, shrugging my shoulders.

Immediately after the funeral, Tommy and I decided it would be better for our families if we combined them. I was a little dazed at first, this had been what I had always wanted, and now I was getting a chance to 'play house' with Tommy Quincy. Carrie, Jess, and I moved into his house, and at first, it was a little cramped, but we meshed well together. Tommy never ceased to put a tiny grin across my face, and he even brought on my first laughs. It was almost like I was being born again, being taught how to live once more. At least, that was how it was for the first few weeks of being alone. Then, everything began to slide down hill again. I can't explain it, but one morning, I awoke and didn't want to get out of bed. Facing the wall, I called out, "Mason, can you make breakfast?" I was still groggy at the time, but saying his name immediately forced my body into a cold sweat, and I sat up, hugging my knees. I was talking to no one.

And that morning at breakfast, the most peculiar sensation crept over me. After Carrie had been born, I had put my career on hold, turning to producing other aspiring artists. I had never missed it unbearably, but now, things were different. "Tommy," I murmured, "Let's go into the studio today. There is something I need to do."

At first, the chords came rough and untamed, choppy and unreadable. I felt Tommy's eyes on me through the glass, and I took a deep breath. I hadn't done this in a while, but I couldn't be that rusty.

His face swam to the front of my thoughts, taunting me. I brushed it away with a wet blink of my eye lashes, trying to make it go away. His face had haunted me a lot lately. It just made me want him back more and more, even though I knew in the depths of my being that it was impossible. I swallowed, brushing my finger tips against the guitar. Not realizing it, I began to sing, letting my heart serve as my guide.

_Feeling like I can't forgive, but I want to  
It's like I don't know how to live, I'm afraid to  
I used to think take them as they come, without hesitations, no  
Now it's like my head is filled with lies, and persuasions_

_As the sun begins to fall I hear her calling out to me she's sayin' hurry it's one more day gone_

_WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE JUST TO FORGET  
SO I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO LIVE AGAIN  
I WANNA LIVE AGAIN_

_I am feeling dissonant, and distracted  
The toxic chemicals are spilling in my head and they're bleeding deadly reactions_

_And as the moon begins to rise he shows me all the colors that I'm hiding I'm hiding myself_

_WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE JUST TO FORGET  
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO GET SOME REST  
SO I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO LIVE AGAIN  
I WANNA LIVE AGAIN_

_Am I desperately losing this fight ?  
When I should really be choosing my flight ?  
Take me  
Take me  
Take me now..._

_WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE JUST TO FORGET  
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO GET SOME REST  
SO I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO LIVE AGAIN  
I WANNA LIVE AGAIN_

_WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE JUST TO FORGET  
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO GET SOME REST  
WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE JUST TO FORGET  
SO I CAN REMEMBER HOW TO LIVE_

I brushed a single strand of limp hair away from my face. Standing up shakily from my perch on a stool, I placed the guitar lightly on the ground. It felt dirty in my hands, as if it were on fire, itching to have me relinquish my hold.

I turned gradually towards the glass, staring at Tommy fixedly. "How did that sound?" I mumbled hoarsely.

"Extraordinary Jude. Wonderful, raw, painful, striking, and disconcerted… the same traits I see in your eyes, every time you open your mouth."

I nodded, looking at my feet. "I guess I always was one to wear my heart on my sleeves."

He nodded, suppressing a microscopic grin. "All the best artists do."

I blushed, a sense of power jolting through me. "Ok then, if you know me so well, what am I thinking now?" I hugged my chest, tilting my head to the side in the slightest.

An amused expression played across his face, and by it, I could tell he knew exactly what I was insinuating.

"Only time will tell Jude Harrison, only time will tell."


	10. Chapter 10: A New Place

Thanks for the reviews guys! By the looks of it, I'm making all of you cry! This should get happier.

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Chapter Ten: A New Place

Suddenly, I began to smile again. The days seemed brighter to me, and the nights seemed quieter, peaceful. I smiled to myself every once and while, thinking of those words left unsaid between Tommy and I. We didn't need them; the bond between us was too strong for that. And, as I quickly began to grasp, I couldn't handle them either.

About a month after my initiation into the Quincy family, I awoke one night to a soft whimper. Sitting up inquiringly in the guest bed, I looked to my left, believing that the source was Jess. He was still peacefully slumbering, however, his face blank, full of utter naivety, like all babies.

Feeling slightly unnerved, I slid off and onto the floor. As I pulled on a bathrobe, I heard the riot again. It was to some extent louder this occurrence, and I noticed devoid of my sense of continuing slumber, that it was coming from not within the room, but outside my closed door. Stepping cautiously over to it, I opened the quite stationary door. The sight that welcomed my eyes was one I will never forget.

There, on the floor, sat a nightgown clad Jude, feet pulled to chest, rocking back and forth slightly. The upset state of her startled me slightly, almost as much as my presence did for her. Jude snapped out of her reverie, leaping to her feet, without a word, she rushed into my room. Puzzled by her odd behavior, I shut the door. Looking down at her expectant face, I spoke.

"Jude honey, is there something the matter?"

Her head nodded vehemently. "I had a bad dream."

"Oh." I uttered softly, trying to figure out what she wanted me to do. "Would you like for me to go get your daddy?"

She knew the answer to this immediately. "No." She shook her head fiercely. "Mommy used to always stay with me until I fell asleep, not daddy."

I couldn't suppress the tiniest of gasps. It now all made sense to me. In Jude's adolescent mind, I was her new mother substitute. I was the one to kiss her scrapes, the one who would make everything better with the lift of a finger. This little girl depended on me. This family depended on me. A new level of responsibility, of importance had been rested on my shoulders, and I was ready for it.

"Sure honey. Come here; get in the bed with me. I'll make sure you don't get scared."


	11. Chapter 11: Roses Are Red

Ah I officially love you guys! I didn't get as many reviews as i hoped, but the ones I got were amazing, just the encouragment I needed! Life is getting on my nerves, and this was the exact lift I needed. Enjoy the lengthy chapter, especially those of you who reviewed:

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Monkeyluver42Exactly what I was going for! I hope you keep enjoying! 

instantstarfanatic06Hooray I have a number one fan! No need to spazz any longer though, here's a chapter for you! Thank you so much for saying that my writing reads as if it were a published work! That means the world to me, for my dream is to write romance novels.

MyPassionateMusicianOh no, I'm so sorry for confusing you! Originally when I named Jude (Tommy's daughter Jude), I had ended the story at Jude marrying Mason. Then I decided to keep writing, and I even started confusing myself in my writing! I hope you keep enjoying though!

Tanya50801Thank you so much! I am so estatic that I've earned your approval!

And by the way guys, if you'd like to read more of my writing, check out Lovesong, an Instant Star fanfic set to the Cure song.

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Chapter Eleven: Roses are Red 

Everything began to go uphill for me. I know it sounds corny, but it is the truth. I felt like I belonged in the Quincy family, like I was supposed to be there. I could go as far as saying that they were my replacement family.

Living in such close proximities to Tommy gave me little tidbits here and there about him that ten plus years of him being my best friend hadn't told me. For instance, he was allergic to roses, which I giggle about every time it crosses my mind. This became apparent one Saturday morning, after I had finished washing the dishes. The doorbell rang suddenly. I looked over at Tommy, and he shook his head. Neither of us had been expecting company.

Curious, I stepped over the kitchen threshold and into the hallway. Pulling the door wide, I felt my jaw drop.

On the welcome mat sat two dozen freshly cut red roses. I craned my neck out over the doorstep, just in time to see a delivery truck driving away. Looking down at them once more, I noticed a small, white embroidered card taped to the meniscus of the vase. Pulling it up, I read aloud very softly:

_Beautiful is not a word _

_Neither is pretty, amazing or anything that I couldn't use_

_To sum up your radiance_

_There are not words to describe you_

_So here I am with nothing to say _

_But to thank God you are in my life_

_And that he spent a little more time on you_

_Love Your 21 _

I stared at it, puzzled for a moment. So, I knew this person. Yet as I reread it, I couldn't figure out for the life of me who had composed it. I chuckled softly to myself at the N'Sync reference on the bottom line. Whoever had written this must have a passion for music if they remembered that song. Only one name swam to the front of my mind, and I quickly swatted it away, thinking that I must be demented to think for even a second, to hope even…

Picking up the vase carefully, I pranced back into the kitchen. Tommy looked up at me as I passed, grinning slightly as I sat the vase down on the kitchen table. "To you, I presume?" He pointed towards the roses.

"Why, do you have a special someone that I don't know about?" I joked, mocking his question.

"No, but I did get an um… interesting package from a fan once. Sadie sent the girl hate mail for a year."

I snorted. Sadie was the type to become threatened when it came to her man. At least, she was…

I shook my head, swatting the thought from my mind. I continued. "Um, yeah, they were for me, from a secret admirer." I hadn't the card to him, which he scanned. "Any idea who might of sent them?" I pursed my lips, looking at him expectantly.

He shook his head, handing it back to me. "Nope. But whoever it was had an exceptional liking of N'Sync." Secondly, he pointed to the vase, which I noticed, he was steering clear of. "Please keep those somewhere secluded, unless you want me to break out in hives and have to rub anti-itch ointment on me."

I bit my lip. 'Don't answer that Jude.' I warned myself, feeling my face become hot.

He walked around the table, stopping to rest behind me. At once, I could feel his breath on my neck. He felt so close, and I tried not to shiver, I tried not to ruin the moment.

"Looks like someone wants to take you away from me Harrison. Needless to say, I'll try to prevent that." He whispered into my ear sending chills down my back. He turned around, leaving me speechless, and walked up the stairs. After a few moments, I did the same, leaving the vase on the table. Hey, a girl can hope, can't she?

I closed the door to my room noiselessly, breathing hard. Tommy hadn't flirted with me in years, even just as friends. It was a nice change, sure, but how was I to act to it?

Tommy and I had tried once, a long time ago. It seemed like forever, but really it hadn't been. When I was seventeen, we had something. But after one date, it all crumbled. He caved in, and we agreed not to talk about it ever again.

The chemistry between us was huge, but was it only full of empty hints and broken promises that I would have to listen to until the day I died? We would always be hanging, I felt, never sure of when to make the next move.

But this person, whoever had left me the roses, seemed to think a lot of me. It seemed too soon to think of dating, but maybe, someday…. But this person evidently didn't want me to know who they were. Either they were too scared, or this was a joke, a dream that I would live in, filled with what ifs.

Sighing deeply, I looked out the window. Tommy and I would never be, it seemed. He had uttered those words himself, several years ago, on that forbidden day that I told myself I would never think of again. But, sad as it seems, I couldn't help but ponder about it.

My mind suddenly drifted into a deep slumber, of years past. It had all started with a long day in the studio…

"Tommy, we've been here for ten hours. You got me up at five a.m. so I could work overtime???" I asked, yawning with contempt. We sat all alone in Studio A on a Saturday, him with headphones on, mixing my latest track.

"Jude, we have to get this finished. Our deadline is Monday!" He mumbled, fiddling with some knobs on the mixing board.

With a sudden jolt of inspiration, I grabbed his hand. Tommy sheepishly looked up at me, as I turned off the machine. He blinked at me, with a look that suggested that what ever I had to say better be good.

"I need coffee." I stated simply.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Then why don't you go get some?" He played along.

"The studio coffee is gross. I need Starbucks." I grinned sweetly.

"You have a car. Go to Starbucks."

"But whenever you go with me, the lady at the cash register doesn't make us pay."

"And why would that be?"

"I don't know. Maybe she just likes to see you walk out of the store." I giggled, knowing I was going to get it now.

Tommy rolled his eyes, standing up, and turning away from me. "I can't help it that I am just so darn beautiful, Harrison." He wiggled his butt a little bit. My jaw dropped.

"You are so full of yourself." I recovered easily, standing up.

Tommy's eyes grew wide. "You're going to pay for that!" He stated before beginning to tickle me fiercely. I giggled.

"TOMMMYYYY!" I shrieked, falling down to the ground. He followed me, still tickling me. Before I knew it, both of us were laying on the studio floor, panting. I looked over at him, smiling. But his expression was different. His eyes were fixed upon mine, and his face blank. Before I could realize what was happening, he was leaning in towards my face. Closer and closer his face came to mine, closing in until our noses touched lightly. I inhaled slightly just as his lips touched mine. It was the most wonderful kiss I had ever experienced. But, as I was trying to enjoy the moment, one thought swam to the front of my mind. Tommy was still with Sadie.

I turned my head hastily, leaving him panting into my ear. "What's wrong Jude?"

"This is." I sighed, rapidly getting to my feet.

Tommy too stood up, eyeing me nervously. "Did I do something?"

I sniffled, eyes welling up. I couldn't believe I was doing this, but it seemed right. "You're cheating on my sister Tommy!" I mumbled, turning away.

I didn't see his reaction to the words, but I could read every emotion from his answer. "I'm breaking up with her Jude."

Rolling my eyes, I turned around to face him. "Are you sure about that?" I glared at him, putting my hands on my hips.

"Would I ever lie to you?" Tommy grabbed my hands, pulling them to rest on his shoulders.

"I…." Looking up into his eyes, I felt my heart melt. "No, you wouldn't." I bit my lip, nodding my head in unison.

"I promise you, Jude Harrison, Sadie and I are over tomorrow."

Amazingly enough, I believed him. That was the first time Tommy Quincy lied to me. Needless to say, it wasn't the last.

He kissed my forehead lightly, causing my head to swoon. Swallowing, I pushed my face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. It was intoxicating, addicting even. I mean, seriously, I was tempted to break out into singing that freakin' Britney Spears song.

I shivered slightly as Tommy's arms embraced my frame. I felt safe in his hold, and my only hope was that he would never let go of me, that our bodies would never part.

'So much for that.' I thought as he pulled away from me, eyes glistening with the same fire and passion I always saw. But the look on his face wasn't the normal one I observed, it was odd. I could almost see the cogs working in his mind. What he was thinking about, I could only guess. But there was nothing that could prepare me for the next few words that he uttered from that gorgeous mouth of his.

"We should go somewhere. You know, just the two of us."

Tommy Quincy had just as good as asked me on a date. I thought I was going to hurl.

"Um…" My heart sped up; surely blowing my cover with the rapid cry it beat. Likewise, my face grew hot, and I could tell by the bemused look on his face that it was also becoming the flushed rouge it often did when I became flustered. Funny, how in the stretch I had known him, never had I lacked the inkling of what to say next to him. But now was different. I felt as if this was the first time Tom Quincy had spoken to me, really spoken to me.

His voice broke through my silent reverie, and I jolted, eyes moving onto his. "Jude, are you alright? You look sick."

I blushed crimson, if any more red could make an impact to the color of my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Taking a deep breath of cool, calming air, I answered him. "And to answer your question, that sounds great."

Sniffling, I shook the teenage version of myself from my mind, gazing out the window. I tried concentrating on the swaying trees below, setting all thoughts on it. The maple moved with the wind, inhaling and exhaling the powerful gusts, silently taking each blow it was dealt. In a way, they reminded me of myself. And that was not something I was proud of.


	12. Chapter 12: Liar Liar

This isn't the most roller coaster-thrilling chapter I've written, but it's something, and beleive me, there is a reason I am including Tommy's less than perfect family. And the next chapter, just a hint, harbors lots of jommyful goodness, so eight reviews on this one before I can post it!

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Chapter Twelve: Liar Liar 

It was two weeks later that Tommy received the phone call, just a week before my thirty second birthday. I can't believe it had almost been a year since that day, a year passed by with hurt and sorrow. I was glad for it to almost be done, finished, and I was beginning to feel free again.

I sat in the living room, going over papers for work when Tommy picked up the cordless. I listened intently to his conversation, as I wordlessly flipped through the stack.

"Hello?" He answered. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him pace back and forth for a while, evidently listening hard to the voice on the receiver. Then, quite abruptly, he stopped dead in his tracks. After a few moments of awkward silence, he spoke again. "I'll be down in the morning." His voice was strange, monotonous.

As he put the phone back down on the counter, I looked up. "Is there something wrong?" I asked, noting the delicate shade of puce his face was turning.

He cleared his throat, looking down. "That was my mom. My grand-father is in the hospital." My jaw dropped, and I stood up as he continued. "I'm leaving for Rome tonight. He's in critical condition."

Immediately, I reacted. "I'll come with you. You shouldn't have to handle this alone."

He surveyed me for a long while, nodding finally.

Taking a deep breath, I picked up the same phone that had brought the news. "I'll get us some plane tickets, and I'll call my mom so she can take care of the kids. Go pack, ok?"

Tommy nodded again, and headed for the stairs. But as he reached the first step, he looked back at me. "Thank you Jude." He mumbled. I smiled weakly, and as I watched him go, my heart raced. Did critical condition mean he was going to die? Or was he just hurt badly? I didn't think Tommy could handle losing anyone else. He didn't deserve it; in fact, he didn't deserve it at all.

"Two red-eyes for Rome please." I muttered into the cordless.

I had just slung the chocked full duffel bag over my shoulder when I heard the engine start outside. I knew that soft hum so well by now that I deduced it was time to leave. Waving self-consciously to my mom and pecking each of the kids on the cheek, I dashed out the door, hopping into the passenger seat of Tommy's Viper. As soon as the door had shut behind me, he sped off down the road.

The car ride was spent in silence. I wanted so much to ask him about his grandfather, about why he was in such ill health. I wanted to know why Tommy wouldn't talk to me about it. But I wouldn't let curiosity get the better of me. I couldn't bear to see the pain in my beloved Tommy's eyes. Whatever he felt was ten times worse to me.

Baggage claim was quiet as well. The only time either of us opened our mouths was my hurried explanation and condolences to a fan who wanted Tommy's autograph, which sure enough, he refused to give. Finally, we found ourselves seated in first class on the airplane. As the plane began its assent, I heard a familiar sight to my right. Turning to Tommy, I sensed by the iciness of his gaze that he wanted to talk. When I returned the eye contact, he began.

"I was born into a huge, middle-class, Italian family."

And that was how Tommy began telling me the story of his life. I sat, entranced, gazing into his eyes as he spoke to me in his cool tone.

"I was the middle child, with a big brother and little sister. Both sets of grandparents lived with us, our mother's and father's. By the time I was six, however, my mother's parents had passed away. Through my upbringing, I always felt a stronger bond with my dad's parents than my own. When I needed advice, I usually asked my grandfather. My father was an irritable man. He climbed the corporate ladder at the local vineyard, starting off as a simple harvester until he finally was left the business by the owner. He believed that the labor helped him appreciate the value of life, and he wanted me to do the same." Tommy paused, clearing his throat.

"When I was thirteen, my older brother Antonio went the work for my father. He worked hard for three long years, but was never paid a penny more than when he had started. My father blamed it on how poorly the grapes were doing, but we knew better. The years of work had made my father greedy. So he pocketed the extra money, paying his employees the bare minimum. See, you must understand, what I am voicing is not prejudice against all hard working men. My father was never the kindest man, not to me, not to my siblings, and especially not to my mother. From what I hear from my friends, she divorced him around the time Sadie and I got engaged.

"By the time I was sixteen, my father had it all planned out. I would graduate early from high school, and go straight to work for him. I would graduate early from high school, and go to work for him. I had never wanted to work for him, even before my brother's unfortunate start in the adult world. That is one of the many examples of how poor the paternal relationship with my father was. So, naturally, I told him no. Then, he had the nerve to ask me what other line of work in the world I could possibly support myself with. Deciding to stick with the truth, I told him I wanted to be in the music business, and that I wanted to move to LA. Music had always been my passion, my way of escaping and dealing with life. But being an impatient man, my father was outraged. He told me that if I disgraced my family by throwing my life away in such a way, he would disown me." By now, I could see the water seeping to the corners of Tommy's eyes. All I wanted to do was embrace him and wipe the tears away. But Tommy was a grown man, so my motherly instincts would have to be put on hold for the moments. I bit my lip as he began to talk again.

"I went to my grandfather, who gave me three thousand dollars to get me to the US and to get settled. He respected that it was what I really wanted to do, so he stepped in. So, I took the money. And one night, I snuck out, only taking with me a suitcase and my guitar. I turned my back to my family, my country, and my home. Needless to say, I never looked back. When I made it to LA, I was immediately drafted into Boyz Attack." At this time, he looked away from me. Deep down inside, I knew he was crying to himself.

"You never said goodbye…" I mumbled, suddenly realizing the reason for Tommy's pain.

When he turned back to me, his eyes were red. "I never thanked him. He is the reason I'm here, the reason I have everything I do. He cared when no one else did. I never told him just how much that meant. I abandoned him."

By now, I couldn't help myself. I pulled Tommy into my arms, and he rested his head on my shoulder. We fell asleep, comforted by each other's hold.

Almost instantly, I felt myself being shaken awake. My eyes fluttered open, and I realized my head was lying in Tommy's lap. The look on his face wasn't annoyed, however. He smiled down at me, staring expectantly. I sat up speedily, running a hand through my hair.

"Welcome to Italy, Jude." He mumbled softly, and I looked out the window.

It was breathtaking. Sure, no landmarks were visible from the landing strip, but the world seemed to look different. The air seemed thicker, the grasses more lush. I turned to Tommy. "You grew up here?" I asked in awe.

He nodded slowly. "Just wait until you see the rest."

It was not a day for sightseeing, however. We went straight to the taxis, and our driver took us on the less scenic route, through rough a one lane road cut through rows and rows of grapevines. They stretched far into the distance, ever ending. For twenty minutes, we saw no sign of life, only grapes. That was when we arrived at the end of the road. My jaw dropped at the sight I beheld.

A small garden filled with blossoming cherry trees, majestic Japanese maples and large sculptures sat plastered in the middle of a driveway. And behind it was the largest house, if you could even call it that, I had ever seen in person. Tommy merely glanced at the four stories of stacked stone.

Before I knew it, the taxi had been paid for and Tommy and I were alone, staring up at the voluminous structure. Then, taking my hand, he walked me up to the door, knocking crudely on the brass knocker. Within seconds, a wispy older woman answered. "TOMMY!" She shrieked.

The woman jumped at him, wrapping her thin arms around his muscular frame, screaming wildly. He embraced her as well, but somewhat stiffer, more cautious. Finally, she let go, as did he.

"Thomas! It's actually you, and after all these years!" She babbled, her eyes never moving from Tommy's.

"_Si, signora_." He mumbled monotonously, turning to me. "Jude, meet my grandmother."

I smiled slightly, realizing I was probably the only person in Tommy's life today that had ever met part of his family. And boy did that make me feel special.

She stuck out her hand to grasp mine, and I returned the gesture. "Very nice to meet you. You may call me Nina." Nina said in a thick accent, before turning to Tommy once again. "Is this your wife, _nipote_?"

Tommy shook his head vigorously, and I felt the color drain from my face. "No, was my wife's sister, and is my best friend."

Nina frowned. "Was?"

"I am widowed, as is she." He said with no, emotion, evidently prying for her to change to subject.

A look of concern came over her face. "Do you have children, Thomas?"

"_Si, signora_, I have a daughter." Tommy said quickly. "I would like very much to catch up later, but the point of my concern is _nonno_ at the moment."

Nina shook herself from the trance she had been brought into by the news of Tommy's loss, and she blinked obliviously. "Whatever do you mean, Thomas?" She asked.

"He is sick, is he not?" I could see the blood rush to Tommy's face as he said this. "My _madre _phoned me in Canada and told me he was in ill health."

Nina's face became stark white, and she wearily shook her head. "Your grandfather is fine. Your _madre_ told me you were coming in on business for a few days and wished to catch up with your family…" Her eyes questioned his, and I could almost read his mind. He questioned whether or not to tell her the truth, which was he had only come to see his dying relative. But, I am sure; Tommy had foreseen that this would be insulting to the woman.

Being the actor that he was, Tommy ran a hand sheepishly through his hair. "I believe my mind is playing tricks on me, _atenata_. The plane ride must have given suffice time for it to invent the notion. You are, right, I apologize." A warm smile spread speedily across his face.

Nina nodded, convincing herself of his story's genuinely qualifying aspects. She returned the smiled, opening the estate's door even wider. "I understand _nipote_. There is no need to be sorry. This is a celebration, the homecoming of my grandson! Come in, come in."

As we entered over the threshold, Tommy looked back at me, his eyes speaking through mine. Neither of us knew what was really in store for us on our trip to Italy, nor why we had been called there on such untrue pieces of propaganda, set in place to reel us in. The only option was to dive in, and find out.

The walls were porcelain white, with elegant beaded tile work in numerous shades of blue covering the floors. Before us stretched a lengthy hallway, numerous paintings and wall ornaments adorning the walls, with doors every two yards or so upon them. This was definitely a house I could get lost in.

Nina led us down the passageway, stopping at a random door and walking through it. Tommy followed, as did I.

The vicinity we had just entered appeared to be a den, with modern looking couches covering the floor, and a plasma cube, with four screens, that appeared to be playing South Park, by the looks of it. And on the closest couch to us sat an elderly man, cackling at Kenny falling off a building. Nina cleared her throat, and the man turned slowly around, his eyes bulging as they rested on Tommy. With a gasp, he leapt from his seat, dashing to fling his arms around Tommy. I watched as he hurriedly muttered something in Italian, which Tommy returned, causing the man to snort. After what seemed an eternity, Nina pulled me silently out of the room. As she closed the door, she whispered, "We'll leave Tommy and his grandfather some time to themselves.

I nodded, suddenly feeling alone in the large house. I knew I shouldn't feel out of place, I mean, I was in the company of family, but an eerie chill crept up my back as I continued down the hallway. I could sense that something bad was going to happen in this house.

We entered the kitchen next, which smelled of tomatoes and spice. Nina, hearing my stomach growl quite rudely, ushered me to sit down at the table, and rushed to the refrigerator to get me something to eat. I had taken a liking to the hospitable woman already.

And that was when a 40-something man burst in through the door, his eyes landing on me. Immediately, I knew exactly who this was, and a frown spread across my face. "Who are you?" He asked bluntly.

Nina's head snapped up, and immediately reacted. "Giovanni… you are home so early." She hurriedly parried the blow that we both expected.

"He is already here, is he not?" Giovanni asked, a smile spreading across his weather-beaten face.

"Leave Thomas alone, Giovanni. You made him leave us once, do not repeat the act." Blood began to flood into the woman's face, her expression hardening.

"He is my son, madre. What son does not wish to speak with his father after years of separation?" Nodding, slightly to me, he backed out of the room.

Nina rushed to my side, beckoning up and out of my perch. We peeped out the cracked doorway and into the hallway, just in time to see Tommy's father entering the living room where Tommy and his grandfather reconvened. Like spies on a hot pursuit, we ran to the doorway, pressing our ears against it. The hollow doors were perfect to carry the conversation within out to us.

"I see you have blessed us with your presence, my son. Indeed, you look different than from my memory, though quite larger than you appear on the television screen." Giovanni's voice stated.

I could almost see Tommy's face boil as he said his next words. "What can I say? It's been a long time father."

"Too long."

A new voice entered the mix. "Thomas has just been telling me of his success in the states. He has a daughter-"

But Tommy's grandfather was rudely cut off by his father. "And to what do we owe this unexpected visit?"

"Was it really that unexpected father?" Tommy's voice cracked with anger.

Giovanni chuckled. "I am a man of my word Thomas, but I knew you would not come without false pretenses, or much less my invitation."

"So you had my mother lie to me? You really are the man I thought you were." These words were accompanied by a long silence. "So get on with it." Tommy's voice had grown quite now. "I can tell you are itching to tell me why you summoned me here."

I Giovanni could here footsteps nearing the door, but just as I prepared to leap back, they halted. "I no longer possess the youth or energy I used to." Giovanni began. "I am planning on retiring soon, but that would mean selling the business I prefer to keep in the family."

Tommy let out a sigh. "So you thought that I would do you a favor, did you? That I would pick up everything I had, to run the business I had despised for my entire lifetime? You expected me to do such a thing of this caliber, when you never showed any compassion or favor towards me? You surprise me more and more everyday father."

"Without me you wouldn't be here Thomas! And I know you were never brought up to be so rude towards your elders!" shouted.

Tommy's voice, once so great in climax, had softened now. "Tell me, did you give this same guilt trip to Antonio when you tried to put this burden on his shoulders?"

Silence engulfed the room, and I felt a pull on my shoulder.

"I think, my child that it is time for us to retreat." Nina whispered, as I stood up.


	13. Chapter 13: Painful Truths

Author's Note: A few chapters ago, there was some confusion with the flashback of Tommy and Jude in the studio. It was indeed a flashback, and is in the past. It will be continued this chapter.

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Chapter Thirteen: Painful Truths 

I sat on the end of the bed as Tommy paced back and forth silently. It was quite amusing to watch him when he was mad. Buy me popcorn and a front row seat, and I'll show up any day.

We were in what appeared to be Tommy's old bedroom, barren except for one small twin bed in the middle. I had a hard time imagining Tommy ever fitting in that bed. Not that I was imagining Tommy and how he fit in beds or anything.

Tommy had stormed out of the living room a few moments after Nina and I had fled from our hideout. He had grabbed my hand, and pulled me down the hallway farther, into a doorway, up a flight of stairs, down another hallway, and into the seventh door from the left, without a word to me. I knew better than to question him, believe you me.

So, as Tommy vented, I engaged myself in a rousing game of see how many times Tommy paces across the room before he realizes that his shoe is untied. I was at two-hundred seventy one before he tripped and fell face first upon the hard-wood floor. Immediately, I burst out laughing, extracting a very nasty look from him as he stood.

There was something about the way he stood there that made me want to hurl and jump for joy at the same time. There was something about the way his head was tilted slightly, or the way his hands lay limp and helpless at his side that acted together, pulling me farther under. And there was something about how he looked at me at this moment that made me do exactly what I had dreamed about, fantasized in secret about for the past ten years.

I stood slowly, mesmerized by how blue his eyes had become, and I knew at once I had never seen them like this before. I had never seen the exceptional twinkle in his right, or the soft pearlescent glare in his left. His gaze made me feel sixteen again, giddy, vulnerable, and completely in love with my older producer.

But he really didn't seem that much older to me now. I didn't feel humbled by him for once, or naïve to his feelings.

As I drew closer, I realized some things were still the same. The height difference, for one. Another was the way he smiled as my hands wrapped themselves around his neck.

So, I went for it. It was the only option my heart gave me, the only road I could see before me. Standing on my tip toes, I leaned in towards his face eighty percent of the way, never breaking eye contact. And just as I had anticipated, he leaned in the other twenty, and our lips met.

His arm snaked around my waist slowly, pulling me closer to him. Subconsciously, I slung my arm over his shoulder, playing with his shirt's protruding tag. The kiss lasted forever, it seemed. Oxygen wasn't getting to my brain, but I wasn't going to be the one to break our bond. I didn't want to face the consequences of what we had just done.

I felt Tommy reach for my hand suddenly, removing his hold on me. Responding, I pulled back, gasping for air. He pressed his forehead to mine and we stood there, in the middle of his teenage bedroom, breathing hard for several minutes.

I kept my eyes shut. I was afraid to look at him, afraid that what I had just done would bring everything we had built up in our abnormal relationship crashing down. How could I have been so stupid? He probably thought I was crazy, holding a school girl crush for this long. But Tom Quincy wasn't a crush. Tom Quincy was love.

"Jude." He whispered quietly to me. My eyes fluttered open, and the first thing I saw were those eyes, those taunting, penetrating, stunning eyes. I stared at them, trying to fix them into my memory, for I knew Tommy was about to tell me off, tell me that this couldn't happen. And when that happened, he would never want to look at me again.

"Jude…." He blinked, and I nervously chewed my lip. "I love you."

I took a step backwards, and he dropped my hand. "You… you…. What?"

He nodded, running a hand through his disheveled hair. "Is there something wrong with me? I mean…. After all these years…" He mumbled more to himself than me.

"I love you too." I muttered breathlessly. His head snapped up, staring at me questioningly. I nodded, smiling. It felt inexpressibly good to get this burden off my shoulders.

Tommy grinned sheepishly, reaching for my hand. Before I knew it, he had kissed me again. I shut my eyes, enjoying every moment. We were in love. Tom Quincy and I were in love, with each other.

And that was when the flashbacks came. Flooding back in, they haunted me, reminding me of things I had vowed to leave in my past. Tommy's face spun into focus.

It was that fateful day, the day our entire relationship would change forever. Tommy had just told me that he would dump Sadie for me, and head clouded by feeling, I had believed him.

"Yeah Tommy, that sounds great."

He nodded, outlining my cheek lightly with his finger. "Good." Tommy mumbled, and I smiled. He kissed me once more, but quickly pulled away.

"Listen Jude, I need to go to dinner with Sadie tonight. You know, to break it off with her."

I bit my lip, and whispered softly. "O.k. Tommy."

"Bye Jude." He took a step backward, and it was all I could do not to protest. I held my ground, and waved my hand slightly.

"Bye Tommy." He took a few more steps toward the door, blowing a kiss on his way out.

"Oh my gosh Jude! Oh my gosh!" Kat shrieked into the phone, and I giggled, plunging my spoon into the pint of Ben and Jerry's in my lap. "He seriously is leaving her for you?"

"Don't sound so surprised." I parried, simpering smugly.

"I can not believe this Jude. Tomorrow night, call me as soon as you get home. I need details girl!" Kat exclaimed as I leapt off the couch suddenly. A car had just pulled into our driveway.

"Kat, I have to call you back, Sadie's home." I clicked the off button, tossing the phone onto the coffee table. I had just enough time to rush to the door, pressing my ear to the key hole. To my satisfaction, I heard nothing. Sadie was walking herself to the door. Hearing the click-clack of my sister's heels, I leapt up from my crouch at the door, plopping onto the couch. Sadie stepped inside, quickly slamming the door behind her. I took this as a sure sign she was in a mood, a mood that could only be caused by a relationship down the drain.

I was tempted to ask her how her date went, just to see the dismay spread across her face. I'm not sure what it was that brought me joy in my sister's pain, but it never ceased to put a smile on my face. But I wasn't about to risk it, for I knew that Sadie could smell a sneak a hundred miles away, especially if that sneak had recently ruined her favorite pair of Miss Sixty's jeans, as I learned the hard way at age twelve.

"Hey little sister." She said monotonously, tossing her coat and purse in the general direction of the coat rack.

"Hey." I murmured, licking my spoon.

"I'm going to go to bed. It's been a long day." She pulled off her voluminous heels and made her way slowly up the steps.

"Ok." I called up to her.

Sighing, I turned on the television. The channel happened to be playing Mean Girls, so I decided on watching it for the umpteenth time. Seriously, this movie never gets old.

I had just made it to the part where Lindsay Lohan supposedly pushed Rachel McAdams in front of the bus when Sadie's cell phone started blaring to Barbie Girl. Rolling my eyes, I stood up, stepping over a pile of my sister's shoes to the stairwell. All the lights were off upstairs however, so I decided it couldn't hurt to check who was calling. After digging through her purse and pushing aside countless tubes of lipstick and mascara, I lifted her pink Razr up by my chewed fingernails. As my eyes scanned the caller i.d., I felt my heart miss a beat. Tommy calling, it read.

Now what would MY Tommy be calling his ex-girlfriend for? Whatever the reason, it couldn't be good.

I decided not to go into work the next day, just to see if Tommy would call or not. I mean, it's not like I don't trust him, but you never can be sure with guys.

So, being the pathetic paranoid person I am, I lounged on the couch all day, waiting for the phone to ring. And when it finally did at about 4 in the afternoon, I let Sadie get it in her room. But before I did, just to make sure, I checked the caller i.d. Sure enough, he was calling. And of course, he would be calling for me, right? So, I took the cordless in my hand and sat on the couch as I waited for Sadie to yell down and tell me to pick up.

After about a minute of waiting, my foot began to bob impatiently, and I took up the nervous habit of biting my nails. What could be taking so long? I mean, they were exes, and I'm guessing they weren't discussing me, so what was it?

Ok, normally I'm not one to delve into one's personal and private life, but now had to be one of those sub-paragraph line B exceptions in the rules of feminism. Tommy was rightfully mine; therefore I had a right to protect him.

So, holding my breath, I turned on the cordless. Immediately I heard Sadie's obnoxious and girly giggle-snort, as I liked to call it.

"Tommy, you're too funny." She said slowly. I listened carefully for signs on Tommy's end, a yawn, a sneeze, an explosion, anything. But all I heard was Sadie, the one man show.

"You know, I had a lot of fun last night."

My eyes bulged, and I felt my eyes pop to their extremes. Something about the way she said fun made me want to run up there and claw her eyes out. I heard the first sign of Tommy's presence then, a slight cough.

"I miss you." Sadie squeaked, barely audible.

"I miss you too Sadie." His voice cooed. "I'll see you tomorrow baby."

"Ok. Bye Tommy." I heard the droning beep that meant Sadie had turned off the phone. That beep was like my wake up call, and suddenly I spoke.

"Tommy, forget about dinner. Forget about us. I'm not ever getting fooled by you again." With that, I hung up. I didn't want to hear his lame excuses, or his toxic words. I was finished, and something told me he heard me loud and clear. The next day, everything went back to normal with us, all except for the chemistry I had once felt between us, the bond that words could never express. He was my friend that was all, my friend who I had helped lie and cheat. But that's the weird thing with friends. You do things to help other, and don't ask question their decisions. I wasn't proud of it, but never brought it up ever again. We had made that silent bond, and I wasn't about to break it and ruin what we had, even though we had already inadvertently ruined so much.


	14. Chapter 14: Run Away Little Girl

Chapter Fourteen: Run Away Little Girl, Run Away

And so here we were. Years later, here we were, the same people, in the same position. As Tommy pulled away, my eyes shot open. My face suddenly became hot, and I felt myself begin to feel sick. Those lips- I remembered the way they felt, the way the moved, the pain that I had learned to associate with them. I didn't want to feel that pain anymore. I didn't want to remember our childish mistakes. We were different now… but still the same. With this thought, I looked up into Tommy's eyes. "I need you to tell me something." I whispered fervently as his hand caressed my arm.

"Anything Jude." He replied with a slight smile.

"Why did you lie to me?" I blinked at his puzzled face.

"What do you mean?"

"When you lied to me about you and Sadie." I paused for a moment, letting the memories seep back to him. His brow furrowed, and he cleared his throat after a moment.

"I don't know. But I can tell you that I never should have done that. Forgive me Jude." Tommy's face was genuine, hopeful.

Forgive and forget, I was always taught. But how do you forgive, if you know you never can forget?

"That doesn't change it Tommy. Why?" My voice cracked, and he embraced me more firmly.

"I don't know Jude!" He half shouted. Pulling away, he threw his arms wide, gesturing at the room. "See where I come from Jude? See how my father treats me, how nothing that comes from his lips is ever true or pure?"

I let out a small gasp, and not noticing, he embraced me again. "All that matters is what is happening right here, right now Jude. All that matters is how we feel about each other." I watched, still in shock, as he took a deep breath. "That's why I think we should elope."

Still in a reverie, I shook my head in disbelief. "What?"

"Let's elope." His eyes met mine, searching for an answer.

"No, not that." I shook my head, leaving him astonished. "I mean, your father…" I put my hand to my forehead, suddenly feeling faint.

"Jude… I don't understand… is something wrong?"

My head snapped up, the fire suddenly igniting inside of me. "Yes, there is something wrong!" I snapped. "Do my feelings mean nothing to you? All these years, the heartache you've put me through, the lies you've fed me… I thought that maybe, you had changed, but I must have been wrong. Here you are, as usual, feeding me excuses. Blaming it on your dad? Bull. Face it Tommy. We will never be. We're completely different people."

Tommy's eyes bulged, and he grabbed my hand in protest. I wasn't about to give in though.

"Don't talk to me. I hate you, and as soon as we get back home, I'm moving out. That's final, don't even try to use those sugar coated words of yours to coax me out of it. We're through." I brushed his hand off my shoulder, and stormed out through the door.

Tommy and I didn't speak all throughout the next morning. He called and got me a flight on the next plane home, and I left as abruptly as we had come. As I stepped out into the gusty morning, I nervously tugged at my scarf. I could sense Tommy's presence behind me, but I didn't turn around. I couldn't give in. I wasn't about to settle. The cab driver took my suitcase from me, and sliding into the back seat, I sighed greatly. Once again, I was engulfed in silence. Pain ripped at my insides, and all I wanted to do was scream. I hated myself for turning him down. He had asked me to marry him, and I had completely ignored it. How could I be so stubborn?

Before I knew it, the taxi was speeding back down the never ending road. I bit my lip, willing myself not to cry. And then the rain came. It pounded upon the car, and a single tear rolled down my cheek. Turning around, I looked out the window, and searched for the doorway in the distance. I could just barely see his blurred silhouette, soaking wet, leaning against it.

"Run after me Tommy." I muttered, fingering the window pane. But he never did. Tommy watched me ride away, leaving him. And by the time he disappeared from sight, I realized it. I had asked for it, and for once in my life, Tommy Quincy had listened.

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Don't hate me. :) Not yet. 


	15. Chapter 15: Would It Kill You

Thank you so much for the responses! This is the second to last chapter, I regret to say, but I hope you enjoy!

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Chapter Fifteen: Would it Kill You

Within three hours of my homecoming, Carrie, Jess, and my belongings were packed and we were ready to leave. I had kept Mason and my old house, fearful that I would want to go someday, to live it again. Now, I really had no choice. I was going back.

I suddenly felt for my father, as he had so many years ago been forced to leave after my mother and his separation. It was really as if Tommy and I were divorcing, except for the looming fact that we never were married. Sometimes, I found myself wondering what life in this house would have been like if we had been married. I could see myself now in Sadie's cream satin gown, hemmed with elaborate beadwork. My hair was curled loosely; for that was always how Tommy had liked it. I was walking down the aisle now; there he was. Tommy took my hand, and my father backed away. He pulled me close to him, whispering softly in my ear as he fingered my sleeve. "You're finally my 21."

Blinking swiftly, I shook the image from my head. Why couldn't it have been me?

As my hand grasped at the doorknob, I felt someone grab my ankles. Looking down, I saw Jude, sprawled across the floor.

Leaning down, I pulled her up and into my arms. "Why are you leaving?" She asked, playing with the hem of her skirt.

"Your daddy and I aren't getting along. We need sometime away from each other." I caressed her cheek lightly. Really, there was no other way I could explain it to a child. I was skeptical to give my mother the details either, for I felt her eyes on my back at this point.

I hugged Jude tightly, standing up. "Will you come and see me?" She mumbled, looking up at me.

Sniffling, my eyes began to tear. Nodding, I turned around quickly. I didn't want her to see me cry. Lifting Jess out of my mother's arms, I took Carrie by the hand, walking through the doorway. When I next turned around, the door had closed.

Six months passed by in a blur of color and silent sorrow. The move had put me right back into my period of mourning. Every corner of the house smelled of Mason, of the soft cologne he used to wear. I found myself constantly wanting to lie down and cry myself to sleep. It wasn't depression; I'm sure, just loneliness. I had pushed everything away in my life that had mattered, except my children. But they had to stick with me until they were 18, so that didn't help much.

I took some time off from the studio, and spent a lot of time alone, thinking, wondering. I questioned everything that had ever happened to me, what it meant. Slowly, I pushed myself towards the point of insanity. I was going to go over the edge, and there was only one person who could pull me back. I couldn't help but feel I had forever lost him as well, however.

Never once did I see Tommy in that half year. Quest called me every few weeks, telling me how the studio was doing, but I started to notice he left Tommy out of the conversation. Something told me that Tommy had told him not to mention him, and frankly, I couldn't blame him. He probably never wanted to speak to me or of me again.

One morning in mid-October, I awoke feeling the need to run. I wasn't an athletic person; I just had the sudden urge to speed away from life, from the ghost of hope that haunted me. I leapt out of bed, quickly throwing on a t-shirt and sweat shorts. After asking Carrie to watch her brother, I stepped out into the crisp morning, exhaling deeply as the door shut behind me. From there I took off down the driveway and into the street. Keeping my head down, I stared hard at my feet, letting them guide me. I ran forever it seemed, until I began to pant, becoming dizzy. Stopping abruptly, I looked around. A house loomed before me, something familiar, from a distant dream.

As I approached the living room window, I could barely see the figure of a small girl, playing a piano. I was drawn closer and closer, finally cupping my head in my hands, peering in. Just barely I could hear the soft melody. Like the house, I could recognize the music. Yet I couldn't remember where I had heard it before, how it had so much power over me. Lyrics danced through my brain, random and improper to the ballad. Then, in the distance, I could hear the girl begin to sing.

"Freeze frame

I'm not about to cry

It's for us to change why try

I've got a camera tucked away inside my heart"

Immediately I acknowledged the song. I could still see myself writing it, crying over Tommy. His face swam to the front of my vision, and shaking my head, I tried to banish it, but it wouldn't leave. Suddenly, with a gasp, I realized that I was actually seeing Tommy, standing wordlessly on the other side of the window pane. Shocked, I remained glued to the glass. He walked silently up to me, pressing his hand against mine. With a pained expression, he mouthed silently to me.

"It's our song Jude. It's our story."

Backing up, I trembled, backpedaling. Biting my lip, I turned back around, dashing off back the way I had come. It was what I did best, running at the peak of fear. Especially when that fear involved Tommy Quincy.

I arrived home much faster than I had left, breathing heavily as I stalked up the front stoop. Just as I turned the key, my foot kicked something. A vase of roses sat on my doorstep. Leaning down, I grasped the card, scanning it.

_I'm not going to feed you anymore cheesy love lines; I truly don't feel the situation permits it. I actually dropped this on your doorstep to ask your advice. A friend of mine recently was turned down by the woman he loved. He was quite convinced that she loved him as well, until he screwed it up by telling her something untrue. He wants so badly to apologize, but fears he has reached the last straw. They don't speak anymore, and everyday he wakes up wishing she was by his side. This man would do anything not to lose this lady, the woman he knows is forever his sole mate. Now, I ask you, does my friend have a chance left? Will she take him back?_

_Love,_

_Your 21_

_P.S. _

_Fear is life's way of telling you that you have a choice. Only you know which one is right._

I felt a tear slide down my cheek, and immediately I dashed into the house. After grabbing a pen, I crouched on the doormat, scribbling madly upon the back of the piece of paper. Finally, I stared down, blinking at the four words I was pouring my soul into.

_Tell her the truth._

As vague as this was, I felt sure that Tommy, or 'his friend', would know exactly what I meant. Folding the paper up carefully, I took a rose from vase and carefully clipped the two together using a pin from my hair. Finally, picking up the vase, I laid the rose on the doormat, and stepped inside.

As soon as I did, Carrie came from around a corner, pushing Jess in his stroller. I let out a tiny laugh, amused at her never-failing motherly instincts. I mean, she her doll's burp rag over her shoulder for crying out loud! I could already tell she would be an amazing parent one day, when she found the right guy.

She stopped in front of me, blinking inquisitively. "Mommy, are you okay? You look sad."

I sniffled, reaching for her hand. "No honey, just a little scared." I brushed a limp piece of hair from my face. "Just a little scared."

I went to bed that night shaking. I was so afraid of what might happen; I was afraid of Tommy, even. He was such a fickle person, so unpredictable. Maybe that was made us so attracted to each other. Complete opposites; we were one.


	16. Chapter 16: Lips of an Angel

I am so sorry for the lateness on this final chapter. For some reason, my document manager has decided not to convert Word Documents. So, I had to convert it to NotePad, and then I had to insert all the spaces and italics again. But now, here it is. The chapter you've all been waiting for. I'm not very proud of it, and it's a little too "Aww, that's so cute!" for my taste, but I felt compelled to include my favorite song of all time. So, here it is, the last chapter of End of the Line. Please R&R, it would mean a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song Lips of an Angel, by Hinder.

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Chapter Thirteen: Lips of an Angel

The sun shined down on me the next morning, glistening softly upon my face. Blinking dazedly, I rose, pulling a robe over my underwear. I walked slowly downstairs, enjoying the light that spilled from every window. The house felt cheerful, the first time it had since that day almost a year ago; they day that both condemned and decided my life. By the position of the sun, I deduced that it was still very early, therefore I tried my hardest not to wake the children. Tip-toeing down the stairs, I cautiously walked to the front door, eager to get the paper. As I stepped onto the porch, however, my food kicked something, causing me to look down.  
A small ribbon-encircled box with a note tacked to the lid perched on the door mat. As my heart skipped a beat, I realized my note from yesterday was gone. Bending down, I carefully pulled off the note, reading it quickly.

_Truth. It has always been one of the hardest things for me to tell, sometimes do. I'm afraid of what people might say, how they would react. But you'll never know, unless you take that chance. It's my choice, and my choice is to share this with you. I wrote this almost 12 years ago, I wrote this song the night before I proposed to my girlfriend. This song is the very definition of truth in my life, the essence of the lie I've been living. Think of it how you want to. Think of me how you want to_

_Love,  
Your 21_

I paused, taking a deep breath. These next few words would forever change my life.

_Honey why are you calling me so late _

_It's kinda hard to talk right now _

_Honey why are you crying is everything okay _

_I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud _

_Well, my girl's in the next room _

_Sometimes I wish she was you _

_I guess we never really moved on _

_It's really good to hear your voice saying my name_

_ It sounds so sweet _

_Coming from the lips of an angel _

_Hearing those words it makes me weak _

_And I never wanna say goodbye _

_But girl you make it hard to be faithful _

_With the lips of an angel_

_It's funny that you're calling me tonight _

_And yes I've dreamt of you too _

_And does he know you're talking to me _

_Will it start a fight _

_No I don't think she has a clue _

_Well my girl's in the next room _

_Sometimes I wish she was you I guess we never really moved on _

_It's really good to hear your voice saying my name _

_It sounds so sweet _

_Coming from the lips of an angel _

_Honey why are you calling me so late _

I could already feel the tears beginning to spill down my face. Willing myself to go on, I opened the box with trembling hands. Turning it upside down, a diamond ring fell out. Immediately I knew whose ring this was, or rather whose it had been from years of scrutiny and envy. Now, I held my late sister's engagement ring in my hand. A small scroll of paper lay beside it, which I unrolled, still shaking.

_She would want us to stop living a lie.  
_

My hand closed around the ring, as inhaled and exhaled slowly. My heart was overtaking my common sense, and I felt my feet moving towards the door. Grabbing my cell phone off the floor, I dashed back through the door. Calling my mom on the way down the street, I took off, letting my feet carry me.

When I arrived, I wasn't out of breath. I was strong and confident, or at least I was until he came to the door. My heart rate came to a crashing halt, and I began to play with my robe. I began to wring my hands, and he stared at me. "I…I…um…" I looked up at him. "I'm ready to stop living a lie. I love you Tommy." I choked out. A small smile fingered at his lips. Suddenly, he grabbed my hands, lacing his fingers with mine. Backing into his house, he pulled me closer and closer to him. As our lips touched, Tommy kicked the door closed behind us.

I found myself walking down that carpeted pathway once again a little over three months later. The man had changed, but the feeling behind it hadn't. I wasn't unsure of myself, for something told me inside that Sadie and Mason would have wanted this. They loved Tommy and I, and would have welcomed our second chance. Feelings were for once in the open, and life felt so much freer. This time, things would be right. I could feel it in the air. I could see it in Tommy's face. I was his angel, his savior.

* * *

And that's the end.

I would like to take this oppritunity to thank all of my fans, everyone who reviewed on this story. Your presence means so much to me. I am currently writing another story right now, Life As We Know It, with a friend of mine on another site, apryl07, and maybe with her permission I will post it here. I have a summary in my profile if you would like to read about it, and I hope that you all will read it.

Thank you to:

kolirox

Judeh05

Criminal Insanity

Chasing Silent Bob

MyPassionateMusician

maliek

Tanya50801

mandy1485

jude-and-tommy-4eva-summer-bay

cecapo3610

aubibi

LuvTommy56

nessalyn

Monkeyluver42

xinstantxattractionx

instantstarfanatic06 My #1 Fan!

ISroxmysox

Seleana C

PickyFan

abbs866 My Best Friend!

If I forgot anyone, I apoligize.


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